


All These Things We Hide Behind (Let's Not Do That, You And I)

by icabyppup



Series: My Love, Take Care Of Yourself [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur Pendragon is Bad at Feelings, Arthur has to Deal with Feelings, As usual you can read this as platonic or romantic, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotions, Feelings, Feels, Gen, Hugs, Merlin is a good friend, Platonic Bed Sharing, Platonic Cuddling, Prince Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Protective Merlin, all of those, or pre-slash, sorry - Freeform, terrible summary, up to you!, we shall learn to deal with them one fic at a time, working title was 'Oh Fuck Feelings'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:09:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25502647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icabyppup/pseuds/icabyppup
Summary: Sequel to 'It's Not Weak (If You Need To Be Held)'Arthur is bad at feelings, and Merlin is mvp.
Relationships: Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: My Love, Take Care Of Yourself [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1846987
Comments: 14
Kudos: 71





	All These Things We Hide Behind (Let's Not Do That, You And I)

**Author's Note:**

> Title (again) from Maisie Peter's 'Take Care of Yourself'. Maybe one day I'll title a fic from my own brain, but today is not that day.
> 
> My everlasting thanks to CaraIsTrash for betaing. You're the absolute best, and I hope this week is better than the last one. <3 <3

Arthur woke to his head  _ pounding _ . It wasn’t an unfamiliar sensation, unfortunately, but it did do a good job of informing him of the previous night’s events. Merlin should never have let him drink that much, he thought, conveniently ignoring the fact that he likely wouldn’t have let Merlin stop him.

Merlin...  _ oh _ .

His friend was curled into his chest (just like the night before, his memories reminded him), dark hair tickling his cheeks as he looked down at Merlin’s sleeping face. Even from the awkward angle he looked so  _ peaceful _ that it had Arthur wondering what he was missing during the day. He hadn’t even realised Merin looked haggard until he saw him free of all burden, protected in sleep’s embrace.

He was so distracted by that train of thought he almost managed to forget the circumstances leading to their (admittedly somewhat compromising) position. Unfortunately, the reprieve didn’t last.

How was he going to deal with this situation? He couldn’t take back last night’s vulnerability, and although he’d never admit it, he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to. Opening up was undeniably cathartic, and Merlin’s reassurances were disproportionately touching. Plus, (another thought he’d never voice) this wasn’t exactly an  _ unpleasant _ way to begin the day. His initial instinct to suppress the soft well of emotion in his chest was significantly hampered by Merlin’s soft breaths against his shoulder, and in the dawn’s quiet he didn’t have much choice but to allow himself to feel.

All too soon Merlin began to stir, curling further into Arthur as he grew aware of the cold outside. He could tell the moment Merlin came into awareness, feeling his friend freeze, breath stuttering momentarily before settling back into relaxation.

“M’rning,” he mumbled, and Arthur felt his heart  _ swell. _

He surely didn’t deserve any of this, but Merlin was draped comfortably over him as though they did this every day (Arthur was startled to realise he found the idea ridiculously appealing). His friend hid his face in Arthur’s chest to spare his eyes from the bright morning light and well, he must’ve done  _ something _ right to be gifted with such a moment.

It didn’t last long. Merlin groaned as he dragged himself out of bed, but his servant’s instincts to get up and go were already engaging as he straightened his sleep-rumpled clothing and pulled his jacket back on. Arthur privately didn’t think he looked and more dishevelled than normal, but apparently his friend didn’t share the sentiment as he fussed over his appearance. Catching Arthur’s eye (and raised eyebrow), Merlin blushed.

“Despite our jokes, we can’t actually have the whole castle thinking we  _ “slept”  _ together,” Merlin said, “so I have to look somewhat presentable. The clothes shouldn’t be a problem though, I basically wear the same thing every day.”

Arthur just grinned – that was, until Merlin yanked the blankets off of him, and he was subjected to Camelot’s early morning cold. His manservant snickered, and Arthur had to complain all the way out of bed to make up for his smile. In all honesty it was probably a failed attempt at distraction, but his day’s clothes hitting his head worked as enough of a diversion that he could hope Merlin didn’t notice.

Reality began to seep back in right around the time Merlin left to fetch breakfast. It was inevitable, really, that he’d have to face the previous night’s events, but Arthur couldn’t say he was happy that the time came so soon. At least waking up with Merlin went quite a way to resolving one of the issues (the issue being _did I overstep was I too much whatifhehatesme-_ ), but that still left… well, everything else. The drunkenness, the openness, the emotional vulnerability (even if he was more okay with it, that wasn’t something a prince should be broadcasting), and oh God the _crying,_ not to mention the not-so-slight criticism of his father. The _King_.

(The word  _ treason  _ rang between his ears and sat heavy in his throat.)

“Did you miss me? You’d better have, because I haven’t had breakfast this morning, and-” Merlin bustled into the room carrying a domed silver platter, slowing to a halt as he made eye contact with Arthur.

The prince’s attempts to school his expression were apparently wasted, because whatever Merlin saw in his face had him setting the food down and walking over to Arthur, carefully closing the door on his way.

“What’s wrong?” He asked firmly, but the edge of his words were astonishingly gentle.

Arthur couldn’t help but look away.

Merlin wasn’t having it. He stepped right into Arthur’s personal space and raised his eyebrows, sizing him up with the no-nonsense expression he had perfected over their years together.

“It’s last night, isn’t it?”

Well yeah, not exactly hard to figure out, but still. Arthur took a step back, running his fingers through his hair to occupy his frustrated hands. Yes, it was  _ last night,  _ when he got drunk over a petty disagreement with his father, raved about him like a lunatic and finished up crying like a child who skinned their knees.  _ Pathetic,  _ his brain whispered, and he was inclined to agree.

“Come on,” Merlin pulled him out of his spiralling thoughts, “stop that. Beating yourself up isn’t helping anything.”

“I’m- I’m not beating myself up!”

“Well then, what  _ are _ you doing?”

Arthur scowled, “It’s not beating myself up if I have genuine shortcomings.”

Merlin’s raised eyebrow disagreed, “Come  _ on,  _ Arthur. You know I won’t let this go until you tell me.”

“Fine! I don’t know why you care so bloody much, but I behaved in a way that was highly unsuitable for my station,” he said hotly, “and I can’t pretend it didn’t happen because you won’t let me!”

Merlin’s mouth tilted up a little, “You’re bloody right I won’t.”

His manservant paused, brow scrunching slightly as he considered his words. Despite his frustration, Arthur couldn’t help but acknowledge Merlin’s expression was slightly adorable. His own face evened out a little in response, but apparently that wasn’t enough to gain him any mercy from his friend.

“Arthur, just because you’re the prince doesn’t mean you shouldn’t feel – or express - emotions. Sure, maybe you shouldn’t scream at the stuffy nobles in important meetings, but you do need some ways to deal with feelings. And training doesn’t count,” he paused, “or pretending they don’t exist.”

“But-“

“Arthur,” Merlin was adamant, “you can’t just  _ not feel.  _ Despite being royalty you’re still human, believe it or not, so you’re stuck with emotions.”

__

_ Great. _

Merlin’s face softened, “Yeah, it’s the worst. But you’ve got so many people who are here to help you. Come on, you can’t tell me you didn’t enjoy last night.”

Arthur snorted, “You’d better watch what you’re saying, that almost sounded like a proposition.”

Merlin pulled out the no-nonsense face again, staring him down for an answer. Arthur ducked his head, slightly sheepish, and mumbled a somewhat begrudging affirmation. 

Merlin beamed.

“See? It’s not all bad.”

Arthur sighed, “No, I guess it isn’t.”

“So,” Merlin nagged, “will you let me help?”

“Fine. But only to shut you up,” Arthur couldn’t for the life of him keep the affection out of his voice.

Without any warning, Merlin stepped forward and engulfed Arthur in a hug surprisingly strong for someone barely more than skin and bones. He allowed his head to drop to the other man’s shoulder. A comforting hand rested on the back of his neck, the other one raising to hold him tightly as he sank into the embrace. His own hands rose to Merlin’s tunic, clutching the fabric like a child clinging to their mother’s skirts. Despite the bravado, he was scared.

But Arthur didn’t mind this as much as he thought he would. Being open, depending so much on another person, feeling this fiercely for someone... In any other circumstances, Arthur would have been terrified. He still was, a little, about the openness and the emotions and the  _ Uther,  _ but that paled in comparison to his best friend’s arms wrapped around him.

He’d be alright with Merlin beside him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I'd adore a comment, even if it's just nonsensical emojis that would still make my day.


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